And now for something completely different

Where does one start?

Well, "It was a dark and stormy night" would be one way but, to be frank, that's a bit passé. so, i guess I'll have to think of something else.

How about "The sun was shining and Elsa decided to go for a walk along the beach."?

I think that is a little better, it has moved on from just describing the weather (a very British pastime) to something else.

Next step.

How about, "Alphie was still feeling cross so, as the sun was shining, he decided to go for a walk along the beach to see if it would calm him down."

Why was Alphie cross? What does the weather have to do with anything? Would a walk along the beach calm him down?

Chapter 1

Alphie was still seething after last night's argument with Elsa.  He didn't understand why she had got so upset.  After all, he was only going to be away for three months.

Elsa had stormed out in a rage and hadn't come back.  With no idea where she had gone, or when she would be back, Alphie was frustrated.  He didn't want to leave things like this, but his flight was due to leave at lunch time.  He needed to get out.  He needed to clear his head.

Elsa meanwhile had other things on her mind.

The evening had gone badly. After what had seemed like a perfectly normal start to a Saturday night, Alphie had told her what he planned to do the next day.  It had come as a complete surprise.  Actually, it wasn't a surprise, it was a massive shock.  They had had a massive row.

What a complete bastard.  How could he even think of doing something like that?  It was pure selfishness.  They had been making plans together for months.  Now this!  She had to get out.  Away.  Away from the devious little shit that she thought she loved.

She screamed.  She hit him.  She slammed the door and she ran.  She had no idea where she was running to, but as she ran out into the storm, tears was streaming down her face.  Elsa was not thinking straight.  She just wanted to run... and run she did, straight from one nightmare into another.

To be continued. 

Many a true word is spoken in jest

Apparently the phrase is derived from one originally written by Geoffrey Chaucer in the 14th Century. 

Anyhow, it is most apposite in respect of the following, which I re-found today. 

Corporate life is often completely bonkers. Mine is. 

CU

In the beginning was the plan.

And then came the assumptions.

And the assumptions were without form.

And the plan was without substance.

And darkness was upon the face of the workers.

And they spoke among themselves saying,

"It is a crock of shit and it stinketh."

And the workers went unto their supervisors and said,

"It is a pale of dung and none may abide the odor thereof."

And the supervisor went unto their managers and said,

"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."

And the managers went unto their directors, saying,

"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."

And the directors spoke among themselves, saying to one another,

"It contains that which aids plant growth and it is very strong."

And the directors went unto the vice presidents, saying unto them,

"It promotes growth and is very powerful."

And the vice presidents went unto the president, saying unto him,

"The new plan will promote the growth and vigor of the company, with powerful effects."

And the president looked upon the plan and saw that it was good.

And the plan became policy.

This is how shit happens.

Haw-Haw

To someone of my generation, Haw Haw means something to do with the Second World War.

On Tuesday, I discovered that haw-haw is a noun for something completely different. The full effect has to be seen from the opposite side - it really is quite effective. Unfortunately the house is not mine. I was a car park attendant!

Farewell Inspector Gadget

I for one will am very sad to see you go.

I've read the book.

I've read every post.

I've read the cretins, and ignored them.

A day the Blogosphere will do well to remember.

Inspector Gadget, I wish you well.

More Research Required

I travel a lot by train, but this was different.

The train travelled underground and was just one carriage long.

One station was at ground level, while the other was accessible only by lift.

I need to find out more, but does anyone know what sort of train this is?

Yucky yuck yuck

It was all go at the hotel.

After issues with the accounting system, there then followed an announcement that Norovirus was in the hotel and that some staff and residents had been affected.

Not good.

Breakfast was no longer a self-service buffet. Room cleaning regimes were changed and the toilets in public areas were closed.

All sensible things.

For our part, we used new plastic cups to serve the drinks at our nightly parties.

Nobody in our group got sick.

Phew!

Innocent!

Apparently the CCTV showed me paying for the wine.

Well that's OK then.

Well that's a first

I was recently staying with a group of friends in a hotel. Each evening we had wine with our meal.

We were offered the choice of adding the cost of the wine to a room bill or paying by cash. We opted to pay by cash.

On the first evening we paid by cash.

On the second evening we paid by cash.

On the third evening I was told that we hadn't paid for the wine from the previous evening.

The hotel staff were mistaken as I had paid the bill on each occasion on behalf of the group.

I went to bed, apparently branded a criminal and being told that the manager would be checking the CCTV.

Now that's never happened to me before!

We are all doomed

Based on what happened last night:

Snow = Rain
Bargain = Expensive
Eating Out = Rubbish
Cold = Cold

Yes, I am all Lemsip'd up. Grrrr.

A Busy Time of Year

Today I have been running round like a blue arsed fly.

The day started as usual at about 0510. I've lost track of the number of meetings I've had and have just finished travelling.

Hopefully the days ahead will be more enjoyable, though it is currently raining - and it's cold.

Choices choices

Currently sat in a bar.

"A small beer please."

... "Which one sir? We have forty six."

Ooops. Eeeek. Hick.

Les Machines de l'île

I was in Nantes last weekend to see Saracens play Racing Metro 92 in the Heineken Cup. More on that on another occasion.

While in the bar after the match on Saturday evening, I was talking to some other travelling supporters and mentioned that I intended to visit the castle the following morning, before catching my train home.

"Oh, don't do that," I was told "... go and see The Elephant".

Eh? Why would I want to go to the Zoo? A quick explanation followed and so just after nine o'clock on Sunday morning I headed off to Ile de Nantes to see the giant elephant which is possibly the main attraction of Les Machines de l'île.

The Machines of the Isle of Nantes project has been set up in a former run down shipyard area, a twenty minute walk from the city centre, partly I suspect simply to become a tourist destination in its own right.

First of all, the project is shut during 2013 from 7th January through to 15th February. From a practical perspective, this meant that I didn't pay anything to see a distinctly sleeping giant elephant, but also had the place pretty much to myself - I saw two other tourists wandering around and a solitary security guard sat near the elephant's rear end.

The elephant itself is an impressive beast, though during it's winter maintenance it did appear to have the mechanical equivalent of elephant snot coming out of it's trunk. Probably of slightly more interest and fun on a Summer's day rather than a foggy winter morning with everything locked up

The trip to see The Elephant helped fill the morning before I caught my train back to Paris. It wasn't a waste of time, but I suspect that a visit to Les Machines de l'île will be slightly more interesting when the site isn't closed for its winter maintenance period. For more ideas on things to do in Nantes, you could do worse than read this article from 2009.

No horseplay here

I spotted this sign in the window of my local butcher's shop window yesterday evening.

"100% BeefBurgers - £8.00 per KG - Only available after 2.30 at Haydock!!!"

We are lucky to have such a good butcher in the area, particularly one with a sense of humour.

If you buy your meat at such an establishment, I suspect that they have a pretty good idea that the food chain is reliable and that they know where your meat comes from. It is also likely to cost more than buying 'value burgers' from a local supermarket.

Apologies for the quality of the picture. My camera phone is very old.

The Westway: A Portrait of a Community

If you ever do run out of ideas for something different to do in London, IanVisits is always able to provides plenty of food for thought. His whole website is a treasure trove of information - for the latest updates and snippets of news, you could do worse than follow him on Twitter. Plenty do.

So, having heeded my own advice and with a little time to spare, I headed down to The Crypt at St Martin-in-the-Field in Trafalgar Square to take a peek at 'The Westway: A Portrait of a Community' an exhibition by photographer Paul Wenham-Clarke.

First of all - The Crypt

What an outstanding piece of architecture and use of space. Go visit if only to experience the building. The Café in the Crypt underneath the nave of the church must be one of the largest in London and well used. Anywhere slightly hidden away and this well used is worth a try.

The Exhibition

It's about the community underneath The Westway, the A40 flyover in West London. There's a bit about Crossrail too.

At first I was underwhelmed. A few photographs in the foyer area and I thought that was it. To be fair, many of the pictures are really rather good. Photography is, quite literally, painting with light. The quality of the light in some of the photographs is quite mesmeric. However there is more...

I thought I was done, so wandered into the Café to have a look at the vaulted ceilings. There, to the right, I found the bulk of the exhibition, hidden away in what seemed to be the Café's overspill area. There are a small number of pictures about Crossrail but most of the exhibition is about the travellers that live in the area and the local school & it's community.

Don't be rushed. There are plenty of pictures to grab your attention and a number of story boards that really make you think about what really goes on under and around The Westway.

The exhibition is open until 28th February 2013. There is no charge for entry.

Fiscal Cliff - Some perspective

I am not sure where this originally came from, but it certainly makes you think.

I am not sure that I have anything else to add!

De Mortuis Nil Nisi Bunkum

I stopped Latin lessons after a couple of years. However the magic interweb thingy can quickly reveal what the above heading may be literally translated to mean.

The sentiment is absolutely right.

Move along please, there is nothing to see here. Oops sorry, that may not be right.

Never Seconds - Some Thoughts

Martha Payne is a school girl in Scotland. With the support of her father, and a camera, she has been blogging about school meals. Martha's blog had also been raising money for 'Mary's Meals', a local charity that aims to provide school meals in many parts of the world.

I understand that the blog was originally set up as part of a school project.

All was going swimmingly well until a Scottish newspaper wrote an article about the blog "Never Seconds" that said some things in a not nice way about Martha's school meals. It is clear from Martha's writing that she is a bright and very polite young lady. The impression that I get is that her father is also very wise.

As a result of the not-so-nice newspaper article, the local council instructed Martha's school to prevent her from taking any further photographs of her school meals. At that point, Martha's JustGiving page had raised about £2,000 for Mary's Meals.

The photography ban caused a national and international firestorm, which resulted in Argyll & Bute Council rescinding it last Friday.

The publicity has been such that at present the funds raised by Martha's blog have increased to just over £76,500. That is phenomenal and is to be applauded. In just four days!

What I find somewhat charming is that Martha and her family have managed to keep a low profile over the last few days, with a simple blog post on Friday that starts "I think you know why I don't have a picture today....".

The other thing that I note is that Mary's Meals (a Scottish Charity No SC022140 which was rather boringly called 'Scottish International Relief' until the beginning of last month), had gross income of £7,624,426 in the year to 30 November 2010.

Mary's Meals is clearly a reasonably sized charity that seems to do fantastic work. I suspect that they will benefit both financially and publicity wise from Martha Payne's blog and from her fund raising.

However Martha's fund raising is so far about 1% of the charity's annual income (say half a week's worth). It needs to be kept in that perspective.

I hope that charity successfully manages the extra publicity and income. I wish Martha, her blog and her family well. I hope all involved in this story manage to keep themselves firmly grounded and worldly wise.

All power to the interweb!

Tippety tap, Tippety tap

On the usual early train to work.Last stop before London. I look for seat and find one.

Oh no! It's that woman.

Tippety tap.

"Woman"? No, not a sexist comment, more a statement of fact regarding an individual with exceedingly long painted nails.

Tippet tap.

Working on a lap top. Fair enough.

Tippety tap.

Wearing earphones (can't hear any noise overflow), fair enough.

Tippety tap.

All else in the carriage is silent.

Tippety tap Tippety tap.

I can't help but feel that the individual sitting opposite me is wearing headphone so that she does not need to listen to the sound of her tainted painted calcium enriched shards hammering into the keyboard of her inevitably soon to be replaced computer.

Tippety tap. Tippety tap. Tippety tap.

And you know the worst thing? I think she is employed by same company that I work for.

Tippety tap.

The first quarter of 2012

I spent this afternoon at Wembley Stadium, where Saracens hosted (and lost) to Harlequins. The result was a shame because it was a good game of rugby to watch, particularly the second half.

As the quarter draws to a close I reflect on a couple of enjoyable ski holidays, lots of rugby, 8655 miles by rail so far in 2012 and the price of petrol going through the roof.

All in all, I am fairly content - I just wish the pace of life would slow down a little.

Milestone

I notice that the number of page hits to this little blog has just passed 30,000.

Now, I know that most visitors find themselves here by accident, usually as a result of typing some random term into an interweb thingy search whatsit, but nevertheless I am most grateful.

My feeble utterings have just passed their sixth anniversary and I appear to have written on a broad range of matters though, as it says on the tin, most posts are linked in some way to travel and transport. Please feel free to take a look at the 'Long List of Labels' to the right.

I do not chase around for readers, many blogs have masses more, and the number of comments (and therefore presumably interest?) has diminished a little over time.

Writing and musings occur when I want, and about what I want. I am not about to set the world on fire - it won't however be long before the number of hits overtakes the mileage on my car.... See some travel context!

CU