Sunday, August 17, 2014

And now for something completely different

Where does one start?

Well, "It was a dark and stormy night" would be one way but, to be frank, that's a bit passé. so, i guess I'll have to think of something else.

How about "The sun was shining and Elsa decided to go for a walk along the beach."?

I think that is a little better, it has moved on from just describing the weather (a very British pastime) to something else.

Next step.

How about, "Alphie was still feeling cross so, as the sun was shining, he decided to go for a walk along the beach to see if it would calm him down."

Why was Alphie cross? What does the weather have to do with anything? Would a walk along the beach calm him down?

Chapter 1

Alphie was still seething after last night's argument with Elsa.  He didn't understand why she had got so upset.  After all, he was only going to be away for three months.

Elsa had stormed out in a rage and hadn't come back.  With no idea where she had gone, or when she would be back, Alphie was frustrated.  He didn't want to leave things like this, but his flight was due to leave at lunch time.  He needed to get out.  He needed to clear his head.

Elsa meanwhile had other things on her mind.

The evening had gone badly. After what had seemed like a perfectly normal start to a Saturday night, Alphie had told her what he planned to do the next day.  It had come as a complete surprise.  Actually, it wasn't a surprise, it was a massive shock.  They had had a massive row.

What a complete bastard.  How could he even think of doing something like that?  It was pure selfishness.  They had been making plans together for months.  Now this!  She had to get out.  Away.  Away from the devious little shit that she thought she loved.

She screamed.  She hit him.  She slammed the door and she ran.  She had no idea where she was running to, but as she ran out into the storm, tears was streaming down her face.  Elsa was not thinking straight.  She just wanted to run... and run she did, straight from one nightmare into another.

To be continued. 

Saturday, August 09, 2014

Many a true word is spoken in jest

Apparently the phrase is derived from one originally written by Geoffrey Chaucer in the 14th Century. 

Anyhow, it is most apposite in respect of the following, which I re-found today. 

Corporate life is often completely bonkers. Mine is. 


In the beginning was the plan.

And then came the assumptions.

And the assumptions were without form.

And the plan was without substance.

And darkness was upon the face of the workers.

And they spoke among themselves saying,

"It is a crock of shit and it stinketh."

And the workers went unto their supervisors and said,

"It is a pale of dung and none may abide the odor thereof."

And the supervisor went unto their managers and said,

"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."

And the managers went unto their directors, saying,

"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."

And the directors spoke among themselves, saying to one another,

"It contains that which aids plant growth and it is very strong."

And the directors went unto the vice presidents, saying unto them,

"It promotes growth and is very powerful."

And the vice presidents went unto the president, saying unto him,

"The new plan will promote the growth and vigor of the company, with powerful effects."

And the president looked upon the plan and saw that it was good.

And the plan became policy.

This is how shit happens.